Life in the low

Things are so slow when you want them to be fast.  Time flies so fast when you want it to take it slow.  Human can never be satisfied with what they have and when they got it they’ll be craving for more.  I got too busy this summer that now I felt I was burn out with too many activities I’ve been trying to do.  It felt like I have consumed all of my energy yet I have not accomplished a single thing.  This is frustrating. I told to one of my closest friend and he asked when was my the last time I relaxed.  I told him that was just last march then he said I should do what makes me happy.  Now that made me think.  What is it that makes me happy now?  A few weeks ago, a bite of kitkat makes me happy.  The latest episode of GOT makes me excited and those small moments I see the face of my inspiration makes me giddy.  Now I feel numb.  I do not know what to feel anymore.  I’m almost sleepy at work and I sleep late at home because sleep is like avoiding me lately when I’m at home.  Is this an early symptoms of being 30?  I have been waiting for that moment and now it getting a toll on my shoulder?  Gosh how should I resolve this issue? I wanted to climb mountains but that needs financial budget damn! Which we all know is not my best, how did I become like this?  I’m starting to hate what I become and I’m longing for what I was then.  Will it still be possible that I could go back or what I become was just the result of what I was then?  What ever is this I’m hoping it won’t take long and I’ll be up on my feet again and be the jolly me or the bitchy me what ever I was as long as I have life. 

Positively Good Start

I wasnt late for two days now, so that means I'm on a good start for the year.  Just had a view of the TOP website project lanter today and I liked it though I'm still exploring it then as I expected, the computer hanged! DAMN! anyways I can still log in outside work so that aint so bad afterall. :)  and then I checked my horoscope for the day a little earlier that I always do, and guess what it keeps getting better and better hah! So i'll be posting it as a reference hehehe 

" The doors which are swinging open for you: Expect big changes re romance. If your love life's been in a bit of a drought, that should end now. All you need to do is make sure you keep the fun alive - so do have a very good flirt (with your partner, if you're attached, or with anyone you fancy, if you're single!), don't work too hard, don't pressure your partner too much, and if you're single and looking, don't come on too strong at the start of the relationship. Easy. The eclipses are also fantastic news for creative types with a project they want to launch. Your creativity is now at an all time high, so make the most of it! And PS if you're trying for a baby? The skies are on your side... "


I find the last line so amusing because I really wanted to have a baby this year, actually id like it very much to have twins but my biggest problem is I'm single! where in the world will I find a guy who would willingly bed me and make sure to have a baby afterwards much more with twins! but yeah i'm still gonna linger on that hope that this is gonna be my year! Wuhoo my positive energy is rising! hahahha

Yuletide Season

Christmas is now over.  No more christmas carols, enough of gift giving.  Our stomach had been full that it can last for five more days and then New year comes in.  Now is the time for  noise, fireworks, firecrackers and maybe some real fire and gun firing.  My mom is now happy wth Mike.  Mike family accepted her wholeheartedly.  I am happy for her at least she had found what she was actually longing for.  I wish that it will last till the day they breatheed their last.  I on the other hand is burdened with family responsibility.  A responsibility that I have no idea why I have to carry when I am an only child and I am supposed to live my life independently since that's what my dad intention is.  But I have to helped out my cousins and other cousins because we are family and that is what fanily do, take care of its own.  Sometimes I wish I get pregnant or get to have my own family, at least I would be burdened with my own babies, my own family.  A family that I built.  But I have prayed too long for that family that I am losing hope of having one. 

Irony of my Life

My mom's BF contacted me last week asking if we can chat.  I thought that it has something to do with my mother.  My mother whom I haven't seen since April of 2009 and haven't talked to since March of this year.  I know my mother and I really do not get along that very well.  I tried my best to get along with her but I grew up without her by my side so the idea of having a mother after 28 years is hard to comprehend. We just met for a few days and then she flew back to Montreal, Canada where she works and I bet she would eventually live since she does not like living here in the Philippines.  I tried to adjust with the lifestyle of having a mother.  She calls regularly to check on me, schedule a chat online every now and then. She even had me chat with her boyfriend Mike (he's the one who’s seeking to get to know me). I thought things are pretty going on just fine, although it was really hard having someone to talk to you to  be careful, reminding how dangerous is it at night time, making sure you gets to eat on time and the right foods and to know who are my friends are.  That was really crazy at first because I love my independence, for the longest time no one had to do that for me well except when I go home to my fathers.

You see, from the moment I decided to live on a boarding house near my school in college, my family (when I talk about my family it means my father, my grandparents and aunts and uncles who by joint force took care of me) they only get to know what had happened by the letters I send and by the time the school days are gone and I had to go home.  I live in an apartment of a couple with 6 kids and some relatives.  They made the rented the vacant room for college girls and had manage to put 4 double deck beds on it.  I live with these 7 girls for three years and more.  We receive our monthly allowance but we live independently.  We do the cooking, laundry, budget our allowance with school projects, extra curricular activities, groceries and misc expenses.  Technology on that day was not as sophisticated as we had to today.  If I need extra money, I had to borrow from my room mates if they don't have any I turn to my classmates, my last option will be my Aunt who works in the next City.  But if series of unfortunate events took place then the last option was to get make a long distance call to our hometown, leave a message to one of our relatives who has a landline.  That message will then be passed over to my relatives who live near our place.  If by mercy that will be received by my father in less than an hour, someone will be travelling to Manila with the money I needed.  That’s how it works by then. 

But thankfully, I was able to graduate and found job.  And now here I am, been to a few companies but still I have a stable job with a good company, (not that high paying job but it pays the bill).  And now after like how many months since the last time my mom called me, shouting at me on the phone telling me things that I never thought I’d hear from her, Mike the boyfriend is telling me that my mom was able to get to know his kids so it will be fair that eh gets to know me too. How Ironic huh? I dunno what he’s up to but I do know that whatever is going on with him and my mother is not my business anymore.   

2010 Almost Over

December is now fast ending and with just less than 30 days this year will be over.  The past 11 months has been full of thrills, dramas and nonsense events.  I would have like to enumerate them all but i think that won't be necessary.  As of now i guess i have fill the next 27 days of 2010 with amazing memories that i can cherish until i no longer remember the why's the how's just know it felt good to know these things happened to me.

Fairy Tale that never happened

I once believed in fairytales.  that I'd be finding my prince and that magic will help us get through together.  these things were the  only things that mattered during those times.  I haven’t had the slightest idea that villains are part of life too.  I was put under the impression that life as easy as defeating the evil villains and then life will be a happy ever after.  But today, it dawned on me that I have been trying to defeat one evil villain after the another, but my prince hasn’t come yet nor do magic’s came for assistance.  where have they been? abandoning me on this endless fights with evil villains of all kinds.  am in destined to fight until the end? have I been lost in a story of war and not in a fairy tale world? if so, how do I cross that world? that world where evil villains must end and prince shows up and magic feels the air with happiness. I suppose one of you who stumble on this could help me find the answer to this longing princess of happily ever after....

Ain't no good

I'm suppose to finish the second chapter of my very first romance story.  I'm almost there but then my mind just stopped thinking. I tried to read some stories to get some inspiration but it sucks still not working. Then i checked the rules of word count. I'm supposed to have 2500 words per chapter, I'll be damned! my first chapter just barely reached its 1000 word count! what am i supposed to do now? deep sigh... i have created lotsa scenes already in my mind! but to put them on writing was the biggest challenge. i've never been good with descriptive words.  i dunno if ever i'll be able to finish this one ;(